I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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