Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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