So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
