We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
