oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
