It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
