Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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