My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
