Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
