i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
