There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
