why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
