I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
