last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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