He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
