I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
