I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
