Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate all girls vehemently.
My liver just broke up with me...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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