you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
