My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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