No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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