smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
