Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
