I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
