Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
