Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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