There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
