A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
