I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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