just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
