the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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