Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
