I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
