well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
