why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
