Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
