i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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