The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
