She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
