I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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