PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
