The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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