Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
