Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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