You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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