were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
