ugly people sure do ruin things
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
