I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
