Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
