Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
