My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
