Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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