Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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