Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
