He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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