just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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