so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
