after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize