so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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