I just cut my nipple shaving
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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