I think im going to throw up on grandma
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
