Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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