Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize