ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
