dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
