Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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