No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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