i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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