Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
