Pants 0. Shit 1.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
