It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
