You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
