People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My vagina is very pro this idea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
