When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
